Good start and later usual nonsense

1. Careful trading, trying to be positive and dreaming about big move. (eur/usd chart)
2. Clumsy trades, losing head start gained in eur/usd (first three trades in eur/jpy)
3. Disappointment in what's happened, changing style of trading from scalping to some kind of position trading having big losing swing (4th eur/jpy trade)
4. Instead of quitting with around -20 pips down day around my max loss continuing, now trying to cut loss down. Again mix of position trading ideas with bad scalping execution, going for reversal. No success.
5. After break at 11:30 continuing with trading just simply not wanting to stop. Addiction style small loss trades one after another doubling loss.

After all of it feeling what a mess. So many mixed up things. Instead of scalping always that need for a big move like it's last trade that I will ever make so it have to be big. Mixing of position trading ideas with scalping. In the end sequence of nonsense trades that are not based on reality but on need to make day less bad, making it worse.
All that is changing smooth inside of me so I don't have a feeling that I'm that wrong when I make those bad things. Feeling stupid because I can see potential if staying away from the dark side. Clearly not being able to make it happened.

Even if I said to myself yesterday the goal now is first to stay disciplined and being positive is secondary I didn't do it. It's surreal. I'm laughing now because I was all weekend contemplating that idea of getting strong foothold in discipline regardless of my results. On the first day it's all gone. Can't believe it.
I guess that trading when money is involved produce strong chemistry in brain. You can't explain yourself in that moment what is good, what is bad. System of values is totally changed.

Don't know what to do. Maybe really restrict myself to max of four, five trades in a day. But who am I kidding: me-trading-restrictions. That three words don't really work with each other.

-66 pips