Same old

-42 pips
Nothing has changed from the start of this blog. Same behavior. I can't say same mistakes because something that you do for years isn't a mistake. It's what I do, nature, habit.
I just continued my yesterday's day. Trading eur/jpy against the trend looking for some reversal for the sake of the idea. Like I'm a winner if reversal come's no matter how much I lose in the meantime. I know very early in the trading day that it's not good at all. Bu I don't stop. I literally enjoy in excitement. It's same excitement that you get ridding roller-coaster. I tried that for the first time few months ago in Las Vegas. You are scared and it's extremely uncomfortable but at the same time exciting. I took the ride eight or nine times in a row. You don't get that with good profitable trades. Being scared is missing. So I'm just thrill seeker pretending that I want to earn money, but instead I want first of all a thrill. I need to stay in denial and telling myself that I'm here because of the money, it wouldn't work otherwise. It's not untrue that I want money, who doesn't. But I can't resist my urges, I'm just following strong emotions.
After so many year I don't mind it that much. I'm used to it. I would also really like to progress beyond this. That's why I stay at trading. It's a challenge to change myself. Or I'm saying that to myself just to have my cheep thrill.

I have to add now after hour and a half when emotions are cooled off. Do you have thoughts after day like this I will not do it again, this is my last time, form now on I will do it differently? They are just part of the same equation.
I believe that's how they portray addicts.