In search for discipline

That 1min jump after 11:20 got my hopes high, but it was nothing. I shouldn't be in position but stopped out in the first place. This is tilting. Bright thing is that I made myself leave stop on that last hope trade, I wanted to move it. Unfortunately or fortunately I got stopped on bottom tick.


I will not allow myself this anymore. I simply need to learn to trade. Trading without stops, counting just on a feel isn't for me. Maybe my trading with stops will be absolutely unprofitable. I probably believe so, that's why I don't trade that way. I guess I will have to do it anyway. Maybe it will be constant bleeding. I guess that I'm at the point where that is more interesting and promising than this.

Size is going down, probably I will not put it up for a long time.

Maybe I do have profitable stretches but it's all on back of averaging and running high risk. As I talked with my trading buddy few days ago with that we can never know how good or bad do I trade. It's inconsistent and unmeasurable. This will not be easy for me, maybe it's even impossible. There is now so many years of this kind of trading that I don't know is change for me possible anymore.


Probably I will try to go down the path where discipline will become my new religion. Where exiting at preplanned point will be more valuable then profits. Only that kind of motivation, well some kind, can keep me tick.


-87 pips